Dynasty Warriors Host Club
by KaruTaku
Summary: The warriors angered Zuo Ci with their endless fighting. And you don't want to anger Zuo Ci. Now, they are forced to become the new host club for Ouran Academy. Full character list inside. Get ready for some halarious romances! Rated T ONLY to be safe.
1. You are now the Host Club!

**Character list, for those (fangirls) who want to know before-hand**

Starring:

-Zhao Yun (DW6 version.)

-Cao Pi (DW6. He gained some fangirls in that one, I must say. Though I can't figure out why…)

-Jiang Wei (DW5. Poor guy isn't _in _DW6. Wonder why Koei cut him out… ): )

-Lu Xun (my personal obsession. (: DW6. He's amazing without that stupid hat.)

-Chow Mien (Long story short. Didn't wear glasses first time I played Dynasty Warriors. Misread Ma Chao as Chao Mien. x; And since then, me and my friend have been calling him that. DW6 version.)

-Zhou Yu (DW5 with DW6 weapon. I find the stick funny, but don't like the ponytail. Sorry.)

*A/N* _I tried to pick the most fangirled after characters __**and **__stick to the original number of the Ouran Host Club. Maybe Gan Ning should be in here instead of Cao Pi, I dunno, but I chose Cao Pi because murderous guys are always fun to write about. :3_

Featuring:

-Zhang He (In the beginning just so I can laugh at him. He doesn't get to be part of the Dynasty Host Club. He doesn't have enough fangirls. Please don't hurt me if you are one. DW6 version. His high heels make me lmao. ;D )

-Zuo Ci (Because he has the most fangirls of all! Nah, you'll see why he's in there. (: DW5 version. A.K.A. Only DW version. He might be a bit OOC, but I think he's the only one. And it's for comedic purposes. :3 )

-xxx-

Ch 1

"Do you dare face the Dragon General of Shu?" Zhao Yun swung his Dragon Spike about his body, his armor shining in the setting afternoon sun.

"I'm the prince of the Wei Kingdom, you twit," Cao Pi raised Havoc, glaring at this lowly warrior that dared challenge him, and so cheekily as well. It didn't cross the blue-clad fellow's mind that this was the same warrior that couldn't even eat a _bao zi _(dumpling) in front of his king. Strength in the battlefield really did bring out unwarranted confidence.

"You can't leave out the kingdom of Wu either!" Zhou Yu rushed into the scene, waving around his stick. As if two people armed with a spear and a sword should be afraid of it.

"Zhao Yun, I'm here to back you up!" Chow Mien brandished the Ironhorse Glaive in one hand while caressing the mane of his horse in the other.

"Oh? Are we planning to team up on Cao Pi? How unbeautiful." Zhang He flew in, Splendor flashing behind him.

"Is the Prime Minister here?!" Jiang Wei ran around, looking about him. Spotting Lu Xun, who had just arrived, he spun around, pointing his finger at the unfortunate young strategist, "You got him, didn't you? What did you do to the Prime Minister?"

"I'm not sure," Lu Xun replied nonchalantly, "He may have perished when I burnt down the Shu camp." As the youngest member of Dynasty Warriors that could actually make a difference on the battlefield, he was going through his rebellious stage. (Hey, just because you're a brilliant ancient Chinese strategist doesn't make you any different from the rest of us teenagers. Though it may make you a bit addicted to playing with fire. That explains a lot…)

"Don't joke around!" Jiang Wei snapped, and immediately Prodigal and Silver Swallow were locked together in battle. Meanwhile, Zhao Yun's undying devotion to the so-called virtuous Liu Bei had managed to piss Cao Pi off enough to him to indeed "dare attack the Dragon general of Shu." Using his brilliant strategy, Zhou Yu was able to deduce that Chow Mien loved his horse, and upon insulting it, angered its owner into combat. Zhang He was completely ignored. After all, who wants to fight a guy wearing a purple leotard and high heels?

Things had just gotten heated up on the battlefield, when…

"Stop!"

Glancing up from the head lock Zhou Yu was giving him (the brilliant Wu strategist finally figured out that fighting a glaive with a freaking _stick _was not a good idea), Chow Mien spied a figure upon the mountain-top. It was clothed in white robes and seemed to have some sort of weird bruise upon his right eye. However, most shocking was his hair, which was arrayed to resemble a white fan. With an entrance like that, Zuo Ci was starting to turn out as eccentric as that bamboo from Lion King. After deeming that he had held the limelight for long enough, he suddenly disappeared, reappearing in a shower of red sparks next to Cao Pi and Zhao Yun. With a flick of his hand, he sent his Trump Deck out, binding the two powerful warriors. (Yes. Apparently in my messed up world, a bo-staff is useless, but a deck of cards are unbeatable. But not just any deck of cards… A _trump _deck of cards!)

"Old man!" Cao Pi spat, enraged that he had been defeated that he had been defeated by mere slips of paper (seriously, who wouldn't?), "What is the meaning of this?"

"Temper, temper," Zuo Ci scolded, "I have come to teach you all an important moral lesson."

A/N *_Zuo Ci really does do this. Those of you who completed Xu Zhu's musou in DW5 understand. Zuo Ci literally appears to stalk our favorite fat boy to teach him some important life lessons. And to make matters worse, neither me nor my friend can play Xu Zhu right. So, in the end, our epic battle against Zuo Ci turned out to be my friend running away on Xu Zhu while I attempted to save her on Zhou Yu. Whose my 3__rd__ main, btw.)_

"A moral lesson?" Zhao Yun wasn't quite as venomous as Cao Pi. Apparently, getting defeated by cards didn't seem to faze him too much, "But I cannot have gone wrong. I serve the virtuous Liu-Bee-dono!" (That's how they pronounce Liu Bei's name in the Japanese version [lol].)

"Just look about you," Zuo Ci responded, shaking his fan-shaped head, "Here you all are, powerful warriors with an army of fangirls, trying to beat off each other's pretty faces. If I may ask you, Dragon-General of Shu, where is the love?"

"Where is the what, now?" Cao Pi asked.

"Let me tell you right now, random old man," Zhou Yu stepped forward, "You are not one to lecture me about love. I married one of the most annoying girls on this planet. She's so loud that I have to bunk at Lu Xun's house if I want to get any sleep at night. All because I _thought _I was in love with her pretty, chipmunk-resembling little face."

A/N *_Seriously. I HATE Xiao Qiao. She looks weird when she runs_. _But that's not the reason why I hate her._*

"That's beside the point!" Zuo Ci waved a hand impatiently, "What I'm trying to say is that you men are wasting your time hating everyone but your mentors and lords."

"But no man is as worthy as the Prime Minister!" Jiang Wei protested, "After all, the Prime…"

"Shut up!" Zuo Ci cut him off, "If I hear the words 'Prime Minister' come out of your mouth one more time, I'll stuff a banana in it."

A/N *_I HATE bananas. Even more than Xiao Qiao. They're that bad to me._*

"So, what are you planning to do to us?" Lu Xun inquired again.

"Send you to an alternate universe and force you to trade places with a very important club whose entire point of existence is love."

"Say what now?" Cao Pi asked again.

"I think it'd be better if I just showed you."

Suddenly, red sparks sprang up from the ground, encircling the warriors. All except Zhang He. Shocked, the purple-clad ballet dancer glanced towards Zuo Ci.

"I think your idea is a fabulous one! Why isn't someone as beautiful as me invited?"

"Two reasons, Zhang He," Zuo Ci faced him, "Number One, you just freaking used the word fabulous. Number Two, your ending clip on Dynasty Warriors 5 was a fucking _dance_. I think you know enough about love."

And with that, he threw the rest of the combatants into Ouran Academy. And the turmoil started all over again.

"Ow!" Lu Xun moaned slightly, "Excuse me, Zhao Yun, but you landed on me in a _suit of armor._"

"Zhou Yu!" Cao Pi snapped, "Your freaking stick is poking my royal butt!"

"Ma Chao, your spiky hair is getting into my eyes," Jiang Wei said, "If you would just keep it natural like the Prime Minister's…"

And the banana was shoved into his mouth. Straightening up from the gagging disciple of the Prime Min… excuse me. Straightening up from the gagging disciple of You-Know-Who (not Voldemort [lol]. Sorry. Couldn't resist), Zuo Ci smiled winningly at the rest of the warriors, who were speechless at the cruelty Zuo Ci was subjecting Jiang Wei to.

"You are now officially the Ouran High School Host Club," he said, waving his cards dramatically about the abandoned music room we all know and love. (And for you worried fangirls wondering where Tamaki and gang are… Well, let's just say they're wondering why Yue Ying's wooden, fire-spewing tigers are chasing after them.) "The purpose of this club is for rich, handsome boys with too much time on their hands (yes, that's you guys. Don't give me that shocked look, Lu Xun) to entertain rich girls who also have too much time on their hands."

"I honestly didn't understand half the words that came out of your mouth," Cao Pi snitched. Zuo Ci smirked at him, drawing a banana.

"Shall I _make _you understand?"

"…That's quite alright."

Turning away from the shaken Cao Pi, Zuo Ci went back to addressing the group as a whole.

"Now, your mission. You are to be the loving members of the Host Club for a year. If, for any reason, a girl comes to you, you must entertain her, cause her to smile. If any of you should make a girl shed _any _tears (unless it's tears from you being too beautiful), then I will personally give you the banana treatment. Understood?"

"Wait!" Zhao Yun spoke up, "I can't. I must be at Liu-Bee-dono's side!"

"I'll also kill your lords if you refuse to comply," Zuo Ci continued, glaring especially at Jiang Wei, "That includes You-Know-Who. Are we all on the same page now?"

There was a mumbled consent of yes from every one of the warriors assembled.

"Good. Now, to assign you all roles." Zuo Ci began pacing in front of the warriors, looking all of them over, muttering to himself. Suddenly, he paused in front of Zhao Yun, jabbing his finger at him. "You! You will now be the Princely Dragon-General of Ouran, the leader of the Host Club! Serving under a virtuous king, your goal for starting the Host Club is to pass on the justice and love that your king gave to you. And to the white and blue clad idiot in the corner, no, I don't give a crap that you're the real prince." He began pacing again, before pointing towards Cao Pi, "You! You will be the Cool Fallen Leader. You wanted to lead the Host Club, but were overthrown by your more fangirled-after counterpart. However, even though you secretly long for a position of more power, you cannot help but adore and respect Zhao Yun." More pacing, and then two jabs at the same time to Jiang Wei and Lu Xun, "You two will be the Devilish Young Apprentice Strategists. Gifted with genius at such a young age, you look down on the reset of the world and love only each other. However, you two are actually really lonely and will eventually open up. To attract girls, you two must show your love to only each other." Ignoring Lu Xun and Jiang Wei's looks of horror that resulted from them being paired with each other, Zuo Ci directed his index finger towards Chow Mien. "You will be the Wild Horse Lover. You used to always ride horses, but when your rich parents forced you to come to Ouran Academy, you decided to spend all your wasted passion on the Host Club and your master Zhou Yu. Which brings us to you!" Finally, Zhou Yu gets the finger (that came out sort of weird [lol].), "The Pretty Boy Lolita type. Born a genius, all you really love is cake and sweets. You are always in close relation with Ma Chao, as he is a diligent servant and works hard to make sure you don't get cavities."

Zuo Ci stepped back, satisfied at his work. Suddenly, the sound of giggling fangirls outside the door sent chills up and down the warriors' spines.

And not in the good way either.

"Well, good luck, everyone! Remember, your taste buds and lords are at stake!"

And with this last parting comment, Zuo Ci disappeared in a shower of sparks.

A/N *_Next chapter, the fanservice begins! How will our warriors fare? Will Cao Pi be able to survive a session without accidently killing a fangirl? Will Lu Xun set anything on fire? And most importantly of all… how much damage did Jiang Wei take from the banana?! Please look forward to the next chapter!_*

A/N#2 *_If you would like any of the characters to go through any sort of torture… ahem… I mean, important lesson of love, please mention it in the review. Though I usually write for my personal enjoyment, I really want this to be a project with anyone that likes this series! I will do my best even if I don't get anything, but even geniuses have to run out of ideas _sometime, _right? And I am _NOT _a genius. You will get credit and my thanks. And maybe a jelly bean. But not a banana-flavored jelly bean. Those are so nasty that they actually made me cry before_.*

A/N#3 *_Sorry! Last one! Just wanted to say that this is _NOT _a yaoi! There is NO WAY I will make Jiang Wei and Lu Xun fall in love with each other. Lu Xun must remain straight! And single. What? Did you say he was married to Sun Ce's daughter? Don't worry. I took care of her. –Waves around tonfas I borrowed from Hibari (Katekyo Hitman Reborn!)- *_


	2. The zombies appear!

A/N *_I made a minor correction in Ch1. Where Zuo Ci was giving Lu Xun and Jiang Wei their roles at the end, I added: _"To attract girls, you two must show your love to only each other." _Because that's what Hikaru and Kaoru do (the two original devilish types of the Host Club), and my goal is to the keep the characters in character while having them keeping true (as is practical) to the original members of the Host Club. And I know Jiang Wei and Lu Xun would never act lovey-dovey to each other of their own free will. Only when you threaten them with bananas. ;3 Please don't get any ideas, fangirls. O: _*

Ch 2

"This is lovely," Cao Pi sniped. From the corner of his eye, he saw the Host Club schedule. Thursday: 3:00 – 6:30. He glanced up at the clock. 2:55. A small growl escaped his lips. What a pain in his royal neck.

Outside of the window, Zuo Ci made a mental note to himself to pay close attention to Cao Pi. His royal-jerk-who-has-no-problem-with-making-innocent-girls-cry senses were tingling.

"We must stay calm, everyone!" Lu Xun stepped forward, "If we assess the situation, we may be able to somehow finish this session and escape after."

Zuo Ci pondered the young strategist for a second. Lu Xun had potential… too much potential. Time to crush his morale. With a devious grin, he tapped upon the window. After he had gotten Lu Xun's attention, he showed him a graphic Zhou Yu & Lu Xun yaoi pairing he had found off DeviantArt just for this occasion. The youthful warrior stared at it for a second, turned a bright red, and staggered off to rest upon the couch, half-fainted. Zhou Yu, who had also noticed, meandered across the room to sprawl himself across the table, dazed. Two birds with one stone.

Zhao Yun and Jiang Wei both gave a resigned sigh. Zuo Ci had backed them into a corner. For their lords, they were both willing to endure any sort of torture.

"We're running out of time!" Chow Mien rushed about the room, trying to restore the listless warriors, "We have to think of something!"

"Just give up, Ma Chao," Cao Pi snapped, "The old man'll probably kill one of your horses if you don't shut up."

Chow Mien immediately fell silent. His horses? His mind flashed through the gentle beasts, pawing so lovingly in their stalls… No, not Cinnamon! not Blinky or Nightmare, or even Buttercup. And definitely, definitely not Snowflake! It was too much for him.

-_Sound of a crashing gong boom thingy_- _Ma Chao's unit has been routed by Zuo Ci and Cao Pi_.

A/N *_Seriously. What the hell's with that sound that comes out whenever something bad happens?_*

It was now 2:59. Trembling in trepidation, the warriors silently counted down.

A/N *_I hope you don't find this OOC. The actions of _rabid_ fangirls would cause even the bravest combatant to turn and run in fear, I would think. Even though the girls at Ouran Academy are pretty refined. But our warriors don't know that._*

30 seconds left…

15 seconds… 8 seconds…

5 seconds… 4 seconds…

3 seconds… 2 seconds… 1 second…

The first session of the Dynasty Warriors Host Club is about to begin. Also, by this time, it starts looking like KaruTaku spelled "second" wrong. But she didn't. She swears.

We all know that rhyme right? The one that goes first the worst, second the best, third the one with the hairy… Anyhow. I'm not very certain about the latter parts, but, for our warriors, the first was definitely the worst. Let's fast forward to the result of the session: The 3rd music room is burned down, Jiang Wei gains a giant bruise on his head, Cao Pi somehow gains _more _fangirls (much to the bewilderment of KaruTaku; he's just not her type), and the all warriors are thrust up with bananas shoved into their mouths. Including Jiang Wei. On top of his bruise. (Which, by the way, is also on top of him being cut out from Dynasty Warriors 6. If Koei makes a Dynasty Warriors 7, which they better, they need to add him back in! Sorry, enough ranting.) Poor Jiang Wei. How did everything turn out like that? (Though you can probably guess whose brilliant idea it was to play with fire…)

The first session of the Dynasty Warriors Host Club has officially begun.

To the warriors, the entrance of the fangirls felt like a zombie horror movie. The cold chill of a huge (brainless) army marching slowly towards you. And being helpless to stop it. What were you supposed to do, with a deviously smiling Zuo Ci watching outside the window?

A/N *_I am terribly sorry about the brainless joke! It was too epic of a chance to pass by. I'm obsessed with Lu Xun as well as a few other people, so please know that I do not mean it!_*

But, the slow walking was better than rushing. At least you survived longer that way.

_Allied forces morale is rising! –Sound of manly cheering-_

"W-welcome!" Zhao Yun faced the girls with an uncertain smile. It was for Liu-Bee-dono. It was always for Liu-Bee-dono. At a furious beckon from Zuo Ci to go on, the Dragon General of Shu shook himself and continued, "I suppose you may choose which of us you would like to entertain you and…"

"It'd be better if you all just stuck with the idiot in the suit of armor," Cao Pi muttered. Immediately, 12 of the 93 glittering pairs of eyes turned to him, and their owners began excitedly squealing to each other.

"He's so cool!"

"Cold, yet with a noble feeling!"

"I'm definitely choosing him!"

Meanwhile, Zuo Ci had been making gestures for Jiang Wei to go over and support the still stunned Lu Xun. When the apprentice strategist had tried to refuse, Zuo Ci had made a motion of fanning himself, before acting out picking the feathers out of the fan. Jiang Wei's eyes widened in horror. _The Prime Minister's Fan!_ Immediately rushing over to the couch, he stared at Lu Xun in apprehension for a second, before steeling himself.

_Just pretend that he is the Prime Minister._

The sight of his beloved master sprawled upon a couch, slipping in and out of consciousness like that, was too much for Jiang Wei to bear. He bent over, supporting Lu Xun upon his arm. Lu Xun glanced at him through half-narrowed eyes, the horrified flush on his cheeks from being shown the yaoi before mistaken by the fangirls for a sweet blush.

"Are you alright, Prime… Lu Xun?"

Zuo Ci smacked his forehead. Well, at least the guy was trying. Lu Xun, on the other hand, was a natural, with his boyish good looks. And he wasn't trying at all. Not in the least.

The Wu strategist could feel tears of revolt coming to his eyes. But, of course, in the minds of the watching girls, they were pure tears of being touched by the beauty of brotherly love. 21 pairs of eyes fired in the sight of such a tender scene. Suddenly, Lu Xun came back to his senses, and noticing in how close in proximity he was to Jiang Wei, panicked and smacked the apprentice on the head as hard as he could. But, of course, it was seen as bashfulness, instantly scoring Lu Xun 6 more fangirls. Zuo Ci did a little jig.

Chow Mien was still in shock. That old man couldn't hurt one of his horses. He just couldn't. So when Zuo Ci motioned for him to bring a cookie and pour a cup of tea for Zhou Yu, Chow Mien didn't put up a fight. Still tongue-tied in terror, he wandered to a counter. The sight of the formidable and appealingly soundless (didn't matter if it was from being scared witless) warrior was too much for 11 of the fangirls to stand.

"He looks so strong and silent!"

"I want to get to know him better!"

Zhou Yu stirred slightly at the aroma of the cookies wafting towards him. As more girls watched breathlessly, he reached out a hand. His fingers made contact with a chocolate chip biscuit and he brought it deliberately to his lips and began to nibble on it.

"It's good!" he looked up in surprise and, though a brief expression of repulsion crossed his face when he realized who it was from, he accepted another cookie and munched on it blissfully.

Who knew the great strategist of Wu had a sweet tooth?

A/N *_He's still scarred from the yaoi he was shown, so he's a bit brainless right now. :3 _*

The sight of Zhou Yu downing cookie after cookie stirred 18 more hearts.

Which left 25. Zhao Yun's eyes widened. They couldn't all be for him. There was no way that he could be popular enough to attract so many girls. Maybe Liu-Bee-dono had appeared somewhere in the room. After all, he totally looked so "young and hip" with his new shaved beard. That must be it!

A/N *_Does _anyone _really think Liu Bei looks better shaved? I actually miss his beard. D; _*

But that didn't explain why all 25 pairs of eyes were heart-shaped while looking directly at Zhao Yun.

"He's so handsome!

"I know right? And so courteous!"

"He looks like the loyal type!"

"How romantic!"

"I'm definitely becoming his fan!"

"Fan?" Jiang Wei's ears perked up. And that's where the trouble started.

A/N *_What will happen in the next chapter? Is the word 'fan' now taboo with Jiang Wei, so heartlessly ripped away from his precious Prime Minister? And who the hell pissed Lu Xun off enough to burn down the music room? Will it be repaired? Or will KaruTaku be a jerk and change the room of the Host Club? Read the next chapter to find out!_*

A/N *_I'm sorry, but I need to warn you guys about something. For English Honors, I had a summer reading list, but I accidently read wrong book. T___T;; I read Pride and Prejudice instead of Sense and Sensibility. Stupid alliterations. D: And school starts next week. And I get tested on it the first day. So until then, updates will be slow, if any at all. I promise when this blows over, I'll write two chapters in one day! Or one uber long 4000 word chapter~ Please look forward to it! -Staggers off as scarred as the warriors-_*


	3. The fan and the fire

A/N *_Hey guys! ;DD I'm back! I'm running out of ideas (already. Jokes come naturally to me, but fanservice just slips from my brain. ): ), so please review some suggestions? xD Read bottom A/N's for more info! (Does anyone read A/N's anyways?) And, as promised, this will be the first of two chapters I will upload for DWHC today. (: -Half-dead from writing so much-_*

Ch 3

"Did you say 'fan?'"

The rest of the warriors glanced at Jiang Wei, who had drawn Blink. The fangirls stared at the weapon with adoring eyes. They didn't know to be scared. Yet. To them, it was hot Asian guy cosplaying as hot ancient Chinese warrior with cool ancient Chinese trident. (Though I'm not certain it's historically accurate to say the ancient Chinese had tridents. But then again, they also didn't fight with a deck of cards, so it's all good. :3 ) Lu Xun, who had completely recovered by this time, was prompted by Zuo Ci's crazy waving to somehow stop the vengeful apprentice.

"Jiang Wei, please keep your head!" Lu Xun stepped forward, scared witless about what Zuo Ci would do to him if he couldn't stop Jiang Wei. But, it was too late. The apprentice charged.

Straight for the girl who had said "fan."

This is why you do _not _tear Jiang Wei away from the Prime Minister. If you value your life, that is. But, it's okay to do stuff like that if you're Zuo Ci. In that case, you make Lu Xun do all your dirty work. And everything works out in the end. For you, at least.

"Jiang Wei!" Chow Mien barked, his mind still wrapped up in his oh-so-perfect horses (which, KaraTaku swears, will one day inspire some Chow Mien x Horse fanfics, if it hasn't already. Just wait :3 ), "Do you not care about Snowflake at all?"

Of course, we all know that Chow Mien was completely stupid in asking that question. What was a horse (even one with such a creative and attractive name :3 ) to Jiang Wei when his Prime Minister's pretty fan was at stake? Lu Xun sighed at Chow Mien's fail attempt to bring Jiang Wei to his senses and stepped forward, drawing Silver Swallow. Rushing in front of him, he stabbed, tangling Silver Swallow within the prongs of Blink. With a quick twist of his wrist, Lu Xun sent the two weapons skittering across the floor. At least Jiang Wei couldn't kill now.

Or so he thought.

Jiang Wei hadn't struggled when Blink had flown out of his fingers. However, without it, he turned on Lu Xun and, grasping his wrists, slammed him into a wall. Which, as you can imagine, brought on an onslaught of fangirl screams. Not horrified screams either. Come on. Who doesn't squeal at the sight of a hot guy backing another one into a wall? And if your nose hasn't started bleeding already, I would like to add that their faces are, like, an inch apart.

~We now interrupt with an important message from our sponsors. Are you weak? Is your only skill being smart and having a British accent in Dynasty Warriors 5? Do you fight with an oversized fork? Then try our new Prime Minister steroids! One injection and you'll have strength that'll put even Lu Bu to shame! _Side-effects-may-include-being-murderous,-unintentially-doing-fanservicy-things-with-Lu-Xun,-sudden-death,-slight-insanity,-and-explosive-vomit.-Not-intended-for-people-who-aren't-Jiang-Wei.-In-case-of-sudden-death,-please-contact-your-doctor-a-s-a-p._ Get yours today!~

Lu Xun gritted his teeth, a flush of pain entering his cheeks. His fingers twitched as Jiang Wei loomed before him. Yeah, this crazy ponytail-guy had definitely taken some of those Prime Minster steroids.

"Lu Xun! Do you need backup?" Zhao Yun stepped forward. Lu Xun's eyes widened. As if he'd accept help from the guy who landed on him in a _suit of armor. _He was certain that same of the bruises he sustained would never heal.

"Thank you, but I'm fine." Lu Xun responded, as politely as he could bear, before throwing all his weight on Jiang Wei. Years of wielding a two-handed weapon paid off, and he was able to force the heavier strategist upon the floor.

A/N *_I'm not calling Jiang Wei fat. I meant his armor. I thought I'd point that out to save my life._*

The two rolled around on the floor, each trying to overpower the other, crashing into the furniture and scattering Zhou Yu's cookies. By this time, several fainting and nose bleeding fangirls had to leave the room. (If you need a tissue, go ahead. KaruTaku doesn't mind. ;D )

And Zhou Yu wasn't very happy about the loss of his cookies.

Out came the bo-staff, which promptly landed with a resounding crack on the two brawling boys' heads.

"Jiang Wei aside, the unfortunate underling of that goatee face," Zhou Yu drew himself to his full height, "Lu Xun, I expected more from you. You are a strategist of the Wu kingdom!"

"I'm sorry, Zhou Yu," Lu Xun muttered, shame-faced.

"Goatee face?" Jiang Wei twitched.

-_Weird gong sound thing again- Jiang's Wei's Prime Minister unit has just been _dissed _by Zhou Yu!_

Throwing Lu Xun aside, Jiang Wei scrambled for Blink. Zhou Yu's eyes widened as Jiang Wei's fingers closed around his weapon. Hey, the Wu strategist was wielding a freaking _stick_. Even if you called it an oversized fork, tridents are pretty gosh-darned effective. Especially against sticks.

"Don't attack Zhou Yu!" Lu Xun shouted, and grabbed the only thing he knew how. A candle.

A/N *_This is the part where you yell: DON'T DO IT, LU XUN! DON'T DO ITTTT!_*

You may be wondering where the random candle came from. KaruTaku is wondering how she managed to make such a n00b mistake as not to describe the music room. Well, as the first session, it's your typical romantic scene. Crisp, clean white cloths covering round tables, roses collected in champagne glasses upon those crisp, clean creamy cloths (sorry, KaruTaku just noticed what a good alliteration that made), flower petals scattered across the polished floor. And of course, candles on every one of those crisp, clean, creamy, crispy, cooked, colorful, crazy, copied cloths.

A/N *_Please don't be confused by the last sentence. I just wanted to see how many words beginning with 'c' I could stick in there. :3 _*

But, obviously, the candles weren't a good idea. At least until Lu Xun learned to control himself better.

"Take this!" Lu Xun shouted, and flung the candle at Jiang Wei. It didn't occur to his young, prodigious mind that there was a move invented called a side-step. However, it did occur to Jiang Wei. This shows the difference between the geniuses of the Wu kingdom and the Shu kingdom.**(Annotated at end of this chapter. Since KaruTaku thinks it'd be a good idea for her to explain her bashing.)

The flaming stick of fire flew across the room in slow motion. It glittered and spun in an arc until, poof, it lands and sets the curtains on fire. The fangirls scream again. But not in joy this time. Immediately, a general stampede on the girls' parts is made to leave the room, tears streaming from their eyes. The warriors might've ran too, if they hadn't seen Zuo Ci giving them a glare that clearly stated: _You guys are already screwed. If you don't do something fast, then you're _really _screwed over._

At this moment, Lu Xun wasn't exactly the most popular among the members of the Host Club. There's a second of panicking, because even though Wu has set plenty of things on fire, they've never really put them out. Instead, they stand there and watch the enemy camp burn down. While playing: What pictures do you think our flames of destruction make? It didn't really occur to them that this time, the enemy camp is also _their _camp. By this time, around half the room is in smoldering ruins.

Finally, Zhou Yu, after seeing a bunny the pretty fire and finally realizing that it wouldn't benefit him if the room burnt down, rushed over to the table, and grasping the teapot, threw it into the fire, obviously hoping the tea in it would put it out. But that wasn't to be the case. The porcelain pot landed, shattered, and exploded in the flames. Zuo Ci did a face-palm. That had been his favorite pot.

Meanwhile, Zhao Yun and Chow Mien, who _are _extremely used to having their base burned down (thanks to Lu Xun. (: 3 Look how helpful our cute little Wu strategist is), had rushed into the janitors room and withdrew a few buckets. Zuo Ci watched with some pride. Until they both rushed smack into the girl's restroom to get the water. In their defense, when you're on the ancient Chinese battlefield, you don't worry about the men's and ladies' rooms. You just… _go. _There was a split second of screaming, but whether it was in a squealing fangirl sense, or in revulsion of two guys rushing into their restroom, even KaruTaku doesn't know. Anyhow, a second later, Zhao Yun rushed out of the room, blushing wildly. His bucket was still empty. Zuo Ci face-palm number 2.

Chow Mien, who had been slightly less bashful, had stayed behind to actually get some water. He exited the room, a triumphant grin upon his face, before stepping on Zhou Yu's stick, which had been abandoned in an escape to escape Jiang Wei's oversize forked. It rolled out from under him, causing our glorious warrior to land smack on his fangirled-after face (no permanent damage. Don't worry).

"Twits, the lot of you," Cao Pi spat, before rummaging in the janitor's closet himself. Grabbing a hose, he went into the _correct _restroom to hook it up. There was a second of silence, before the yelling started. All of a sudden, a stream of water burst through the restroom door, followed by the hose. Evidently, Cao Pi had turned the water on full force, lost control of the hose, which was now meandering through the room, soaking both the fire and the warriors. Then, rearing up like a giant snake, its jet of water burst through the window. The very window where Zuo Ci was watching. It completely soaked the geezer, causing his fan-like hair to flop over to one side.

I can assure you: he was _not _happy.

Now that the danger of fire was put out, Zuo Ci materialized into the room, thoroughly waterlogged and pissed off. Striding into the restroom, he grasped Cao Pi by the ear. The cold and godly prince was, at this moment, scared shitless. Snapping his fingers, he summoned a fw coils of rope. With deft hands, he wound it around Cao Pi, before dragging him out of the restroom. With a sadistic smile, Zuo Ci pointed towards a fire extinguisher.

"You could've used this, you know."

The warriors were speechless. Out came the rest of the rope and bananas. Or cumquats. Or watermelons. Or whatever fruit _you _hate. :3

**A/N *_This isn't founded upon a one-sided assumption since, we all know, everything makes Shu look like the hero. You want to know how Zhou Yu _really _died? He got pissed off to death by ZhuGe Liang. (And the brilliant fan-wielding Shu strategist then shows up uninvited to Zhou Yu's funeral. And no one can do crap about it, because he brings Zhao Yun as a bodyguard. o___O;; ) Then he, in turn, got worked to death by Ah Dong, Liu-bee-dono's turd of a son. True history._

_P.S. Since we're on the topic of bashing. SORRY ABOUT ZHANG HE AND THE BANANAS. I just noticed how popular they are. It's all the sport of fun and games. 3 _*

A/N *_**FOR YOU GUYS THAT WANT TO REVIEW ME IDEAS AND HELP ME! IMPORTANT INFOO~! **__So basically, it's like this. I'm planning for this project to last a year. Which is the amount of the time the warriors have to serve in the Host Club. Though I may have jokes plenty, I have limited fanservice ideas. Which is where you guys come in. Please either _review _or _PM _me any ideas/suggestions you may have. You'll definitely be mentioned, unless you request otherwise~ Or even if you don't have ideas but want to help me out, please review. It's what keeps me going. Thanks for wasting your time with my stories~! 3 I'm sure with your help, we can make this series last a year and improve with each chapter! _*


	4. If only I was going out with YOU

A/N *_Thanks to Shuwazi for warning me that my A/N's can get annoying in the middle of the story! I'll keep them at the end now with asterisks to point them out~ =^ ^= If you want, please review and tell me how you like this new system~!_*

Ch 4

The warriors shifted uncomfortably. They had been tied like this for nearly a day. Which would've been fine with Cao Pi…

…If he hadn't been stuck being trussed back to back with Chow Mien.

"Why is a prince like me stuck with a stable boy like you?"

"Stable boy?" Chow Mien sputtered, "I am the Ma Chao! The great wielder of the spear of justice!"

…No, you are Chow Mien.

"What?! Hey, can we get a new narrator? This one's a jerk." Chow Mien turned his head to a side, muttering, "Buttercup was never this cruel…"

"You see, Lu Xun," Zhou Yu turned to the younger strategist with an almost paternal feel about him, "This is why Wu is destined to rule. The other two kingdoms are quite idiotic."

Of course, he isn't supposed to be this cocky. His role of in this story should only cause for him to open his big mouth when he's preparing to eat cookies with it.

"Hey! I don't like that description of me!"

What are you going to do, Zhou Yu? Hit me with your stick?

"Hey, could you boys stop arguing with the narrator for a while and listen to me?!" Zuo Ci burst into the room, frowning at the warriors, "Thanks to you lot, I have to keep club activities out of this room for today while it repairs. _And _offer an apology to the girls for the fright you gave them." He glanced meaningfully towards Lu Xun, who ducked his head.

"Luckily for us," Zuo Ci continued, "My genius tactics devised a plan. I had a drawing, and 6 lucky winners get to go on a date with the Host Club! One for each of you."

He paused, as if expecting the manly cheering to overwhelm him. In reality, it was mainly crickets and the half-blushing, half-incredulous faces of the warriors. All of them were of a mind to turn down Zuo Ci, but no one had the guts to. It was just for a day, right? Nothing possibly could go wrong. But that wouldn't be interesting for me to write and you to read, would it?

Chow Mien was right. I _am _a jerk. With that being said, let's pick on hi… Err… See how his date went first.

-xxx-

_She's not as pretty as Cinnamon _was Chow Mien's first thought as he watched the runner-up beauty queen of Ouran, Akiyama Aimi, stride towards him. Which isn't to say that you should grab your pen and paper and start right Chow Mien x Horse fanfic. I'm not sure about you, but reading something like that would creep me out quite a bit. **

"I'm so glad!" Aimi smiled, "I'm a huge fan of yours, so it's like a dream come true coming on a date with you!"

_Her eyes don't sparkle as much as Cinnamon's do. _And completely freaked out with Chow Mien having that thought, KaruTaku has resolved never to make another joke that might lead to Chow Mien x Horse fanfics ever again. But we all know she's going to fail. Because that's all she has on him.

"Ah… I hope this can be fun for the both of us."

"So, what did you have planned today?" Aimi asked, almost sparkling in expectation.

"Well, I love horses, so…" Chow Mien dug in the pocket of the faded jeans that Zuo Ci had forced him to change into before his date, "…I bought us a pair of tickets to watch a horse race. I hope you don't mind."

Sure, he said this, but what Chow Mien was really thinking was: _Even if you don't want to go, I'll _make _you waste 2 hours of your life watching horses run around in circles! _Or something along those lines.

"Oh! I love horses," Aimi exclaimed, quite genuinely, "I used to ride them all the time on my parents' private ranch."

But, I can assure you. After this date with Chow Mien, Aimi never looked at a horse the same way again.

**-xxx- ~On the stands of the racetrack before the race~ -xxx-**

Chow Mien settled himself down with an almost thankful air. Though he and Aimi had arrived late, the prestige of her family had earned them seats in the front row. Looked like the girl was some use after all. A man walked up to the Shu general, bowing respectfully.

"Sir, would you like to place a bet on any of the horses?"

Chow Mien cast a calculating eye on the steeds, who were being shown off in their stalls, pawing at the ground nervously. Immediately, a slick black stallion caught his eye. There was no mistaking the glint in its eye, the luster of its fur, the strong flow of its muscles. It reminded him so much of Blinky that he could almost feel the tears welling in his eyes.

"N-number 24 please."

"24?" Aimi had been listening to the two men and cut into their conversation, "I'm not sure if that's a wise choice, Ma Chao." Turning to the guy-in-charge-of-the-bet-thinga-ma-bobs***, she said, "I would like to bet on 14."

Chow Mien was a bit shocked that this girl had dared go against his better judgment, but remembering what Zuo Ci would probably do to him if he didn't make this date go well, held his tongue. She would see her faults when the Blinky-look-alike won. Chow Mien had never misjudged a horse before, and he certainly wasn't about to start now.

An earsplitting roar suddenly swept through the stadium. The jockeys had come onto the field in the middle of the track, making their way to the stalls. Each grasped on to the rein of their steeds, deliberately guiding them to the starting line in such a way that their fur glistened in the light, showing off the sharp angle of their muscles. Chow Mien had already begun trembling at what he believed to be the most beautiful sight in the world.

"Ah! The race is about to start!" Aimi squealed, stating the obvious. I'm not sure about how much less expressive than Cinnamon she may be, but her wit obviously matched up to that of a horse.

Immediately, a gunshot followed, and the horses were off. Chow Mien leaned forward in his seat as the thunder of hooves shot by him. By the third circuit, number 14 had pulled out to the front and was galloping along with a huge lead. To Chow Mien's intense shock, horse 24 was third to last. He glared at the jockey, seeing how the rider distributed his weight unevenly, causing for his steed to go at an unnecessarily slow place to ensure that the idiot atop its back wouldn't fall off.

"That dunce can't ride for his life!" he burst out suddenly.

"Ma Chao?"

As the horses shot by for their fourth lap, Chow Mien, to Aimi's great shock, suddenly leapt out of his seat, dropkicking the unfortunate jockey number 24 off of his horse before easily sliding into the saddle. The stallion whinnied in alarm for a second, but with a few quick words into its ear, Chow Mien easily calmed it down.

"This is unprecedented!" an announcer shouted somewhere, "Rookie Filipo Gazepano was kicked off his horse by the escort of the venerable Akiyama Aimi-san!"

The large screen suddenly switched to Aimi, who, far from seeming embarrassed that her escort had done such a thing, was leaning upon the railing, her eyes glittering at the sight of Chow Mien. Likewise, many other young women in the crowds were on the verge of throwing themselves onto the track for such a handsome horseman.

"Come on, Blinky, let's go!" Chow Mien shouted, and with a slight yank on the reins, shot off with the horse.

The difference in speed of the mount was astonishing once its rider was changed. By the seventh lap, the only thing that could contend with number 24 was 14. By this time, there was only 2 more laps left. They powered through the 8th circuit neck and neck, and, reaching the 9th run, continued alternating for the lead.

"Argh! Who the hell are you?" jockey 14 turned towards Chow Mien after the Shu general stole the lead from him once again.

"Just a legendary warrior from ancient China."

"EH??" was the shocked response before the astonished jockey tipped headlong off his horse. Grinning widely, Chow Mien eased his horse to a canter and easily trotted past the finish line. Immediately, reporters surrounded him while Aimi rushed down, claiming him for hers before anyone else could.

"Any words to say after you so shockingly won this race?" a particularly efficient looking reporter shoved her microphone under Chow Mien's nose. Still smiling rather foolishly, he threw off Aimi, who had been attempting to cling onto his arm, sending her flying into the crowd. Still happily oblivious to anything but horse 24, he strode over to it, stroking it fondly on the muzzle.

"If only I was on a date with _you_."

At the school and watching the live broadcast on television, Zuo Ci did a face-palm.

**A/N *_I'm not really into inter-species relationships. But then again, I've seen fanfics floating around about characters having sexual intercourse with their refrigerators, so…_*

*** A/N *_Sorry! I know _nothing _about horse racing._*

Final A/N *_Yeah~ Needless to say, Chow Mien is the person I am the weakest at writing about, so I wanted to get him over with. Sorry if this chapter was a bit… dry. In addition, I was irritated when writing this. Cuhz I had just wasted an hour of my life on the "Impossible Quiz." I got to around question 80 then I quit. Anyhow~~ Next chapter: Zhou Yu and Cao Pi's dates._*


	5. Inferiority Complexes and Pink Flowers

Ch 5

A/N *_School + Academic Team = Slow updates. Sorry. ): _*

The clinking of champagne glasses. The quiet grind of silverware knives on porcelain plates. Combined with the slight rustling of the crisp tuxedo against his body, Zhou Yu fit straight into the atmosphere. Or he would, if it weren't for one small flaw.

He's from ancient China.

As soon as he walked in, he received many approving glances, but the truth is, the strategist wasn't comfortable at all. He was far closer to "scared out of his wits." Which would explain his twitch when he heard his name called out.

"To your left, Zhou Yu!" Darlene Manette's voice chimed. She waited at a table, her slender arms folded before her. A transfer student from France, her art skills were the marvel of Ouran. Full aware of her potential, our poor Wu strategist scurried over like a frightened bunny, seeming to fit the part more of terrified servant than sophisticated date.

"Don't be like that." Darlene laughed lightly, "I don't bite. You're a clever man, Zhou Yu. There is no need to feel so inferior."

Zhou Yu froze in shock. The word, _inferior_, was pretty much taboo with him. As it would be with any man whose greatest rival is nicknamed the "Sleeping Dragon.**" After all, as mentioned before, ZhuGe Liang's abilities bested any of that of Zhou Yu's. And, being the brilliant strategist he is, Zhou Yu threw away his combat potential by trading in his sword for a stick. Which was, of course, the one thing he might've defeated his fan-wielding enemy at. To sum everything up, Zhou Yu has an inferiority complex. 

"Yes, we'll both have entrée number 5," Darlene smiled at the waiter before glancing back at her unmoving date, "Are you alright, Zhou Yu? Did I say something?"

"Do I really seem so inferior?"

"Eh?"

Zhou Yu glanced up, his eyes swimming with tears.

"Am I really not as good as ZhuGe Liang?"

"Err…"

Zhou Yu slumped himself upon the table, his arms stretched out before him, lamenting to himself. He was a genius, wasn't he? If someone as wise (and handsome) as him already existed, why did the heavens create ZhuGe Liang?*** As Darlene (and everyone else in the restaurant) looked on, pitiful turned into dejection, and dejection turned into anger. Day after day, Zhou Yu came up with amazing tactics. And day after day, ZhuGe Liang destroyed them. And he just had to be so perfect as well, his model of courtesy landing him a wife like Yue Ying. Zhou Yu was stuck with a brainless chipmunk. This wouldn't do. Zhou Yu needed grounds to insult ZhuGe Liang on…

*Light bulb flickers on*

"IF I COULD, I'D TEAR EVERY HAIR OUT OF ZHUGE LIANG'S INFURIATING BEARD!"

Sitting up suddenly with this exclamation, Zhou Yu felt the back of his head come in contact with the trays of an unfortunate waiter. The chowder he was carrying tipped over, splattering his contents over the warrior. The steaming liquid slid down his shirt, scalding his skin. Getting to his feet, he strode over to the waiter, grasping the front of his shirt, his brilliant mind already deducing why his back suddenly felt so painful.

"ZhuGe Liang sent you to assassinate me, didn't he?"

"Zhou Yu?" Darlene was also standing, her eyes wide in alarm. Zhou Yu began to scan the room.

"Please stay back, Miss. I know ZhuGe Liang must be here _somewhere._"

Cautiously, he strode over to an occupied table, flipping it over. Its inhabitants squawked as our poor second-rate and not extremely sane Zhou Yu continued on his maddened search for ZhuGe Liang. Eventually, the management couldn't stand it anymore and kicked him out. Tearful, Darlene phoned Zuo Ci, asking if Zhou Yu had had any alcohol before coming. Which obviously didn't bode well. For Zhou Yu, at least.

Moral of story: Zhou Yu's awesome, just don't pick on his inferiority complex.

-xxx-

"This _must _be some sort of a joke."

The scent of flowers wafted through the air. Cao Pi looked incredulously at the bright pink blossoms, swatting away a butterfly that attempted to land on him. He cringed away from the lively drone of the bees and glared at the bubbling brook.

"Who the hell decided to cast me in the leading role of Snow White****?"

If you couldn't tell, Cao Pi is more of the gloomy type. He expected his date room to be in some sort of abandoned cemetery, where he would get to show off how cool he was to a terrified fangirl. And if she annoyed him enough, he would've scared her to death by purposely trying to console her about scary stories that she didn't even know about in the first place. Something along the lines of: "_Oh, don't worry. If the mad serial killer buried under the grave we're stepping on comes out, I'll save you."_ But how the hell was he supposed to do something like that in a field of pink flowers? "_Oh, don't worry. If a deer comes out, I'll ride it for you??"_

"Cao Pi, Cao Pi, Cao Pi~~!" Artisan Kirkland***** flew over, waving her arms.

He cussed under his breath. He was in a fairy tale, which was _not _a horror movie, his brilliant mind deduced, and stuck with the modern clone of Zhou Yu's wife. He was a _Prince. _He was married to the ancient Chinese equivalent of Meagan Fox. What the fuck did he do to earn himself a field of flowers and a girl who had nothing in her head but buttercups and fairies? Artisan was an exchange student from England and the leader of the Alchemy and Magic club, who basically spent all their time trying to prove the existence of unicorns.

"You may stop repeating my name now," he tried to speak calmly, not relishing would Zuo Ci would do to him if he lost his temper.

"Had to make sure I got your attention!"

A vein was now visibly throbbing in Cao Pi's forehead. He forced a smile on his face, though it seemed far too lopsided to be genuine.

"What would you like to do in this… _gorgeous _field?"

"Oh, I brought you here for a very important reason," Artisan responded, "We have to pick 1,000 of these Firewitch flowers so we can summon a unicorn in club on Wednesday."

"I… I see." Which, of course, wasn't true. Cao Pi's thoughts were far more close to: _This girl makes the Wu strategists seem almost legitimately smart._ Which, coming from Cao Pi, is perhaps one of the deepest insults he can muster. Please don't feel complimented if he says this to you. Even though you really should. But Cao Pi's what historians call a royal jerk.

Artisan smiled, "Well, let's get to it!"

By this time, it took all of Cao Pi's (limited) self-restraint to keep from killing this girl. Not only was she incredibly annoying, her hair was choppy, her sense of fashion none, and her eyebrows odd. But, with the thought of Zuo Ci looming over him, he obediently bent to the ground, grasping the flowers by the stems and yanking them out of the floor.

"Be gentle please!"

Cao Pi twitched. Swallowing hard, he forced himself to pick the next flower slowly. By the 59th, his back was aching and his temper had reached boiling. There had to be _some _way that he could survive through this session. Immediately, Zuo Ci's face appeared in his mind. It was his fault that he had to do this. Immediately, with a crazed glint in his eye, Cao Pi imagined each of the flowers to be the old geezer and set about plucking the living daylights out of them.

By the end of the day, sore and barely able to stand straight, Cao Pi was able to present 609 flowers to Artisan. She accepted them with a squeal, before frowning slightly.

"Why'd you pick the blossoms? I need the _buds_."

Dismayed, Cao Pi glanced at her pile, which was indeed small pink dots. Artisan grinned again, "It's okay, I don't mind. We'll just have to pick another 300 each."

But of course, Cao Pi minded. Since when was a _prince _forced to do slave labor? Work like this should be reserved for idiots like Chow Mien or young rascals like Lu Xun. Fuming, he stomped right into the largest patch of flowers and kicked it, scattering the petals about. With a sly grin on her face, Artisan watched Cao Pi leave. The sudden discontinuation of her date was more than accounted for by the idea of how Cao Pi would explain to a furious Zuo Ci why he had returned with pink petals in his hair and no girl.

**A/N: _This makes me chuckle. I remember reading an entertaining fic called Dynasty Warriors chat-room in which ZhuGe Liang was the "SleepyDragon" because "SleepingDragon" was taken. :3_

***A/N: _I didn't make up this thought. Historically, Zhou Yu's last words before he died were: Oh heavens, you already created a Zhou Yu, so why did you create a ZhuGe Liang?? ):_

****A/N: _Don't ask me how Cao Pi found out about Snow White. I don't know either. (:_

*****A/N: _Scream, Hetalia fans, scream!_

A/N: _That concludes this chapter. :3 Uh… I have a quick question for you all. Would you like to see our warriors fall in love? It can be each with a separate person or they all fight over a single girl. Or not falling in love in all. Or certain characters falling in love. Please suggest in a review! 3 Also, also… Next dates: Jiang Wei and Zhao Yun~! (And after, it's the much anticipated "Xunnie." I have to prepare for that one!)_


	6. Not really fitting into the 21st century

Ch 6

This is Jiang Wei. We all love and know Jiang Wei for a very important reason. Because we love and know the person he loves, knows, and worships. So, you can probably guess what was on his mind as he faced Allie F. Jones**, the leader of the Heroes and Justice Club.

_Pretend she's the Prime Minster._

However, the sight of ZhuGe Liang prancing towards him in a miniskirt and puffy jacket was too much for him, or _anyone _to bear, for that matter. Jiang Wei promptly turned about and began banging his head against a wall to rid himself of the mental images.

Now, imagine skipping over to your date, who looks breath-taking in a plain white t-shirt and classic jeans, only to find him introducing his forehead to the wall of the AMC Theaters***. Which was the situation that Allie was in. Now, if she were anyone else, she might've walked away, not matter how hot her date was, and pretended she didn't know him. But, being Allie, she found it all the more intriguing to make his acquaintance.

"Jiang Wei!" she reached him, grinning widely, "What are you doing? You look pretty cool!"

By this time, Jiang Wei's brilliant mind deduced that it would probably start losing brain-cells if it came in contact with the wall one more time and he turned around to glance at Allie, this time making sure to _not _imagine her as ZhuGe Liang.

"Nothing really. If you don't mind me asking, what are we watching?"

"Batman: the Dark Knight. I'm a sucker for super-heroes."

She held up two tickets, one of which Jiang Wei accepted gratefully. It had occurred to him that in a movie, you normally didn't talk to your date, and he would be able daydream about the Prime Minister in peace****.

Later, hidden within the cool air-conditioning of the theater, Jiang Wei settled comfortably in his seat, prepared to lose himself in his forbidden thoughts of him groveling at the great ZhuGe Liang feet. That was before Allie joined him, chewing her popcorn with enough gusto to put the shrieks of a banshee to shame. So, right before the heart-stopping part where ZhuGe Liang was about to wave his fan over Jiang Wei, the unfortunate warrior was interrupted by the crunching of food.

"Do you mind?" A man from the row in front of them turned around, glaring at Allie, "The movie's about to start."

"Oh, sorry! I won't eat anymore." Allie set down her popcorn, before immediately picking up her coke. Even Jiang Wei, without the etiquette training of the 21st century, was forced to duck his head as the slurping began. The remainder of the movie was painfully dragged out with Jiang Wei coming up with increasingly humble ways to hide himself. The movie found the warrior hiding underneath his seat, much in the same position he wore while groveling to ZhuGe Liang.

"Eh, Jiang Wei? What are you doing down there?"

"I dropped something," he lied blandly and, spotting a small pen, picked it off the ground, "Yes, this strange rod."

There was a slight pause.

"D'ya mean a ballpoint pen?"

Jiang Wei flushed at the strange glance Allie had given him and without answer, left the theater. Outside, they were greeted by a few of her eager friends. Everyone in the Heroes and Justice club was basically a fan of Jiang Wei's, touched by his "heroic" loyalty to his master. After Allie had gotten the date, the rest of the club stalk… erm, kept watched over the two of them.

"Jiang Wei~" One of them called out, "What did you watch?"

And without thinking, Jiang Wei answered "Batman: The Sleeping Dragon,"

-xxx-

Zhao Yun pulled his hoodie more snugly about him, glancing with dismay at his surroundings. It wasn't the pink flowers and fluffy bunnies that Cao Pi had dreaded, but nonetheless, it was enough to irk him. The legendary general found himself at an ice-skating rink.

Okay, so maybe Cao Pi would be delighted a scene such as this. The freezing temperature and coolness of ice perfectly enhance his best qualities. Well, at least, the best qualities to anyone who doesn't mind a complete jerk. But, Zhao Yun wasn't a jerk. And, being the kind of person to run around in a large suit of armor*****, he just didn't trust ice to hold his weight.

"Hello, Zhao Yun," Kurosawa Hotaru strode up, bowing formally. She was the leader of the Traditional Japanese Etiquette club and it showed, even in an ice-rink. Zhao Yun returned the bow awkwardly, forgetting that he was no longer in a suit of armor yet again.

"It's a pleasure."

Hotaru glanced at him, pleased, "You're very polite."

The rest of us roll our eyes and scoff here. I mean, come on. Zhao Yun was the man who refused to eat a dumpling in front of his lord. He's the _king _of politeness. Still brimming with contentment, Hotaru handed him a pair of skates. Zhao Yun glanced at the shoe-laces with dismay. After all, 2000 years ago in ancient China, shoelaces weren't invented yet. He was the one person who wore flip-flops to an ice-skating rink for a _reason._ But, it was against the gentleman in him to leave a lady waiting, so, swallowing waves of dread that hadn't washed over him since the first time he saw Liu Bei, he accepted the skates.

What seemed like too soon, his feet were already fitted snugly within the skates. Almost trembling with trepidation, he reached down for the laces, feeling Hotaru's scrutinizing gaze on him the entire time. Desperately, he made his fingers move, and deftly, managed to make perhaps the most tangled knot the world has and will ever know.

"How… interesting," Hotaru mentioned, her eyes wide.

"I always do it like this," Zhao Yun blushed, "Let's go skate."

Upon the ice, Zhao Yun was phenomenal. Years of training and fighting perfected his balance, carved out his grace, and steadied his movements. Everything (including Zhao Yun) glided by smoothly, until it was time to leave. As he sat down upon the bench, sparkling from his beautiful performance on ice, he suddenly realized that his skates had basically been dead-knotted upon his feet.

Hotaru had come to stand beside him as he stared in horror at his feet.

"…You don't know how to tie shoe-laces, do you?"

Zhao Yun shook his head.

"Men and their pride… Wait here." Hotaru strode over to the counter, and pulling out a wad of bills, bought the skates for Zhao Yun. It irked her to no end that Zhao Yun couldn't have just asked her for help, but she knew he would have hell to explain after trudging back to Zuo Ci in ice-skates.

**A/N: *_Sorry for the Hetalia references. If you don't read Hetalia, you can just ignore them. Not really important. I'm having trouble coming up with OC's after the torture my school calls education that I have to go through. Maybe I'll be more creative on the weekend? :3 _*

***A/N: *_For those who don't know what this is, it's just a movie-theater chain. I go there all the time. Transformers II, anyone? Hah, I'm such a geek. ;3_

****A/N: *_While revising it, I noticed something horrible about that sentence. SORRY. It wasn't supposed to be as wrong as it sounded. ):_

*****A/N: *_Al from FMA invites you to join the armored buddies as well~! xD _*

A/N: *_Is it me or was Zhao Yun's date really short? Please believe me when I sincerely tell you I ran out of ideas~! I'm going to try super-hard on Lu Xun's~! Please look forward to it! 3_


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